I was working the counter the other day and a visitor audibly gasped upon seeing that Patti Smith would be playing at the Golden State Theater in downtown Monterey on Oct. 9th (tickets here; you can also get them over the phone during business hours here: 800-745-3000)
She was stoked.
Tickets here: http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/1C00492AD72D858C
Then she said, “Oh, that’s the day after Hardly Strictly” (which Patti is also playing.) To which I interjected:
“You’re gonna see her at Hardly Strictly?”
“Yeah. I live in Francisco.”
“Hmmm…”
“…..what?”
“Well, you realize that seeing her in Monterey will be unquestionably more amazing than seeing her at Hardly Strictly, right? Or any place else for that matter?”
“Well…yeah, it seems cool.”
“Totally. In fact, there are a handful of reasons – objective, empirical, irrefutable – that I can cite to buttress that claim.”
(She doesn’t say anything.)
“Want me to articulate them?”
“Sure…but can you make it quick – my boyfriend’s waiting in the car.”
“Yeah, no problem. OK, first, the show is a rare acoustic tribute to John Lennon! It’ll be John’s birthday. So expect some amazing covers. I’m gonna request ‘Number 9 Dream.’
Second, it’s at the newly renovated lobby of the Golden State Theater, a beautiful space from the 1930s. Third, her show at the Warfield in SF is sold-out. This is the only place nearby to see her that’s not outdoors and riddled with distractions (hence my fourth point…)
….unlike Hardly Strictly, which is outdoors, noisy, chaotic, and smelly, the vibe will be cozy and intimate – you won’t be distracted by the wafting smell of distantly-cooking lamb kabobs.”
“They have lamb kabobs at Hardly Strictly?”
“Oh yeah, all sort of amazing foods up there. Funnel cake, gyros, you name it.”
“Shawarma?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Will they have shawarma?”
“Where?”
“Hardly Strictly.”
“Oh yeah, totally. Kabobs…like I said….all kinds of stuff. Parking’s a pain though. You probably wanna part at Ocean Beach and walk in.”
“Yeah I heard parking’s tough.”
“San Fran has a major dearth of parking. It’s so packed in. They just build up, up, up. It’s nightmarish. Ample parking in downtown Monterey.”
“Good to know.”
“So yeah, if there’s one thing I’d like you to take away from this conversation, it’s this: go to Hardly Strictly for the kabobs. But if it’s an unforgettable musical experience with Patti Smith channeling John Lennon that you crave, make the drive to Monterey. Piece of cake.”
[Again, tickets here; you can also get them over the phone during business hours here: 800-745-3000]
“OK, thanks.”
Silence.
“Hey, did Henry Miller live here?”
“No, he lived five miles down the road on Partington Ridge.”
“Was he married to Mar–”
“No, that was Arthur Miller. Playwright.”
Silence.
“Well, I gotta go.”
“OK.”
“Bye-bye.”
“Bye.”
